So this morning I decided to get some adulting done. My car has been flashing the “oil change” light for a couple of weeks now and I woke up in a positive mood so what better day to get out of the house? Mentally I was on a high but physically I’ve been having some pretty bad stomach pains which I’ll get into another time. That being said I remember a saying something along the lines of if you don’t feel good, get dressed nicely, do your hair or makeup so that you can at least look good. Sooo that’s what I did. I washed my hair, added some new product which had my curls looking top tier, put on some makeup, a cute casual fit and went to jiffy lube for an oil change! I was in such a good mood that the fact that someone completely ran a stop sign and almost hit me didn’t even faze me. I was cute today and I needed to get some stuff done. Once my car was finished, the mechanic handed me my keys and told me that he vacuumed my car, fixed the tire pressure and cleaned my windows, I thought he did all of the extras because ya girl was feeling herself today, but my husband quickly busted my bubble and let me know that they do that for everyone at that location. Honestly, he could have let me have that moment but, whatever! That was all my body could take for the day so I headed home still in a weirdly great mood.
Got home and filled my starbucks cup up with ice cold water, put on an episode of SVU, took a deep breath and smiled because I felt so accomplished. Definitely felt like I tackled the day and then an email came through on my phone and it was my son’s speech teacher politely reminding me (for the second time) that his annual IEP meeting was today. I of course jump up so pissed at myself for forgetting, log on to the zoom to see the entire team waiting on me, I could have cried. I constantly check my emails, messages and calendars to make sure I don’t forget anything and that’s a huge part of my anxiety so I'm sure you can imagine how flustered I was. The meeting turned out great, my baby is doing amazing and achieving all of his academic goals! Even with the meeting going so well I was still in this panicked state of mind. Because I was late logging on to the meeting it went over the original end time and made me late picking them up. If you know me, you know that I legit hate and I mean HATE being even a little behind on picking up my babies. It didn’t help that little miss anxiety was already on her bullshit, so of course I beat myself up the entire way to their school. I was so sad, only for them to hop into the car completely unaware that I was a few minutes behind, laughing and starting our usual “how was you day” conversation. My kids don’t even know that their mom was damn near entering a mental breakdown and their smiles and beautiful little faces changed that instantly.
It just goes to show that there are ups and downs to each day. Even with the downs that came along, I take today as a victory because it started off pretty perfect, I was able to take time for self-care, I handled something very important, got great news about my son and ended the day with my beautiful family. Yes, my pain is still present and my body feels all of the soreness from the tension my anxiety caused but this time around I am able to focus on the good! And for that, I am thankful...
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