Don't give up on therapy!

I am a huge supporter of therapy, mental health is so important to me. I truly believe that you do not have to be depressed or anxious, traumatized or going through terrible things to take part in therapy, I love a good positive session. Obviously, I started my therapy journey because of postpartum depression that kind of lingered for way too long and I knew that I couldn’t get through it on my own. My process was not exactly perfect, I had a few therapists before I found the one that I truly clicked with. I started off with someone that I could not relate to whatsoever, she heard me mention a pet that I had once in our session and literally talked more about my damn turtle than my problems. At the time I was dealing with severe anxiety and barely left the house and she would say things like “maybe you should take your turtle outside”, “maybe cuddling with your turtle will make you feel better” like miss ma’am this turtle is my kid’s pet and I love him but he is not the answer to all of my problems. I would be so annoyed when that appointment day would hit because I didn’t want to sit through another hour session about using my turtle to cope. I stuck it out for a few months, then something came up with her and she had to pass her clients along to someone else until she came back from her leave and that’s how I found my girl. We immediately vibed, I didn’t feel uncomfortable about discussing any topic and most importantly I looked forward to my sessions. The day did come when my first therapist came back and she called multiple times to schedule appointments and I was dreading the transition back, but I talked to my new therapist bestie and she told me that I have the right to change therapist at any time, this process is mine and I have to do what's best for me so I dropped turtle lady and made the switch to work permanently with her. We had over a year with each other, she literally got me through the pandemic and created such a safe space that all my faith in therapy was restored. If we had met in different circumstances, I believe we would have been friends, that’s how great our connection was. I cried real tears when she told me that she was moving on to a better opportunity, I was so happy for her but selfishly I was pissed because how are you just going to leave me? I learned so much about myself, I learned what some of my triggers are and why, I learned to be gentle and kind to myself and my absolute favorite is that I learned to set boundaries. Our last session was extremely emotional, I think about her here and there because none of these others have measured up. I am currently on therapist number 2 since she left and I haven’t had that same comfort yet. I am trying my best to be open to the process again and I don’t want to stop the work I've been doing but the therapist client chemistry is not giving what it's supposed to give right now. I do like that this one challenges me a little but on the days that I need more from her and less from me I don’t get that. I feel more pressure to present myself a certain way in our sessions and I don’t really like that either. This time around there are pros and cons and I really just never know if I will be coming out of the session feeling better, the same or nothing at all. I told myself that I want to give it until the new year and decide on whether I want to change things up or not. I know how great therapy can be when it's with the right person, so I won’t be giving up, just have some thinking to do. Wish me and my mental some luck! 

Side note: I just had a session and felt very unheard and that’s what sparked this topic today. I immediately texted my husband to tell him how sad I was about it and he said, “maybe she’s going through something, she human too” and that humbled me. He’s right and I accept that. Hopefully next time will be better.