We all know that I speak openly about my mental health and I believe it is very important to get the necessary help to manage everyday life. I focus so much on that aspect in my life that I tend to push my physical health to the side or I get extremely paranoid and google my symptoms which then leads to anxiety times ten. After losing my grandmother to cancer I became more scared when it comes to my health and the health of my family and friends. If I feel sick or any pain, I usually try to thug it out and hope that it doesn’t last long but once some days go by, I go into panic mode, assume the worst and call whatever doctor that will see me asap. I have recently learned that trying to push through when I know something is wrong is not the best idea. My advice to everyone is to listen to their bodies, I always say it's better to go get checked out and there is nothing wrong than to wait and find out it’s something that could have possibly been prevented or dealt with to stop it from becoming so bad. But, do I listen to my own advice? As I type this with one hand, I shamefully answer NO to that question.
So, rewind to the week before Thanksgiving, I experienced a very bad sudden headache and the right side of my face went numb, my right arm and hand lost feeling and my eye went black. It happened and within a few minutes the headache went away, my face felt okay but my arm still had this tingling feeling and I could not move my hand at all. I immediately called my doctor and had a same day appointment; she told me that it could be something with my nerves but to go to the ER if anything worsens. The next day, I attempted to go to Urgent care just to be on the safe side and based off of my symptoms they would not see me and encouraged me to go to the ER. At this point it is Friday, and this is the second day of not having any motion or feeling in my arm or hand so I decided to go to the hospital.
I get to this hospital, check in and wait. I get called in pretty fast for vitals and tell them what’s going on, they do some test by watching how I walk, raising my arms with my eyes closed, stick out my tongue and touch both sides of my face and arms to see if the sensation on both sides are the same or not. I get told that I will be put in a bed very shortly, but I end up being in the waiting room for three hours before getting any other test done. I get taken in for a CT scan, blood work and an EKG and sent right back out to the waiting room. After a couple hours they take me back to a room and the doctor comes in to let me know that my CT was basically perfect, so this was not anything that caused brain damage, but he felt that I experienced a TIA which is a mini stroke. I of course freaked out and asked what that meant for me and he told me that there are many things that can cause this including stress which has been on 100 literally leading up to the moment of the initial headache. I was told that because my CT looked great that I did not need to be kept at the hospital, but I did need to follow up with my doctor and a neurologist. Luckily my doctor had already put in an order for the neurologist, so I felt confident leaving the hospital.
Now days go by, and I am experiencing terrible headaches on and off and still have no type of movement in my hand. All I could think about was the fact that the doctor at the hospital didn’t seem too concerned so I obviously just thought I could wait it out until I got my referral for the neurologist. We got through Thanksgiving, thanks to my husband and kids for getting in the kitchen and cooking, I spent the next day dealing with another headache and loss of vision in my right eye. I knew I couldn't just sit and deal with that, so I went back to the ER but a different one this time, just for a second opinion. I immediately get taken back and put in a bed, then over the speaker I hear “code stroke, bed 5” and a bunch of nurses run into the room, start asking question while they push my bed to the CT room and start an IV. I’ve never in my life experienced anything like that, literally have only seen that happen in movies and when I say my heart was racing, my God, I cried so bad. It happened so damn fast, and they hooked me up to heart monitors and pretty much ordered every test you could think of, even ended up having to get a spinal tap (look it up) which was not fun but obviously necessary. Once again, my CT was fine, but they wanted to keep me for observation, so I was admitted, two days before my son’s birthday. My goal was to do whatever was needed to figure out what was going on and to get home to be with my baby for his 11th birthday. I was scared and a little triggered about being in the hospital, but this hands down was the best experience I have had in a hospital setting, the nurses, doctors and physical therapist were all the sweetest people, and I couldn’t help but to let my guard down. I ended up being there for two days, had physical therapy to help with my hand and speech therapy to help with some of the words that I was slurring and also to help with my memory (aphasia). I was told that they could not rule out having a TIA because that usually does not show on scans, they also made me aware of migraines that cause these symptoms. I was happy to know that I did not have a full-on stroke and that getting back to normal was not too far out of reach and I was being released the night before my son’s birthday!
The game plan is now to help prevent these headaches, work on the exercises given to get the motion back in my hand and to practice word finding strategies for my memory. Every day looks different, I get very frustrated doing the simplest task because I am working with only one hand. My hair has not been done since this happened, my husband attempts putting it in ponytails for me and I love him so much for that, but a hat has been my best friend. I get emotional when I lose my train of thought or can’t remember what something is called. I try to focus on the positive and do my best to take it day by day. This has been such an eye-opening experience, I would have never thought at my age that I would be dealing with stroke symptoms, but I am truly thankful and blessed that it wasn’t worse. I will not be waiting to take care of myself in any way and that advice I give about listening to your body, I WILL BE FOLLOWING! I had to get sat on my ass to listen but no more being stubborn or “strong”, if I don’t feel good then I don’t feel good. That mom guilt, wife guilt and guilt of not being able to make it to things is out of the window, my health, both mental and physical is top priority because I have to be here for my little family.
I know this was a lot but I hope it encourages you all to take your health serious, try to stress less and stop spreading yourself thin. You are needed here! Take care of yourselves...
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