Listen, I love the way my heart is set up. I do things for people because I genuinely don’t mind it and I've always been that way. I used to feel that my kindness was my weakness because I would do things knowing it was not really appreciated or I was low key being used but, now I look at it as a part of my character and I'm proud of being kind. How can I walk around viewing a trait of mine as a weakness if that same trait is being taught to my children on a daily basis? Now, this is where my good friends and close family members get mad, I have peeped some shit and heard some shit from people that I do THE MOST for, and I still do everything that my heart tells me to do. I’m not a stupid person, I’m not naïve and I’m most definitely not a scary person (I’ll press any issue if necessary) but I am someone who can separate things in a weird way so that my emotions don’t block my blessing, if that makes any sense. So, I’ve heard someone talk shit or be mad because I said “no” once out of a hundred times of saying “yes”, they don’t know I heard it, and I don’t care to address because at the end of the day like I said before I do it because of me and how I feel I need to move in this lifetime. I do go to my besties and my hubby and their advice is to stop going out of my way for people and I know it's coming from a place of love because they see the behind the scenes of what it does to me so even though I probably won’t completely stop being so helpful, I made a promise to myself that 2024 will be the year that I slow down and focus more on me. I’ve been on a journey of healing mentally, emotionally and definitely physically and I know I can’t fully do that when I keep myself occupied with other people’s “things”. I never been one to do things for something in return, but lately I’m doing things even when I physically can’t, so I end up pushing myself way too far and between you and me, I've been in the hospital recently because of it. I'm literally hurting myself for the benefit of others and I need to take a step back. And the fact that I’m pretty sure not one person knows that my health has been at its worst these past few months and even worse this past week and it shows that I’m doing shit for people who don’t care, which is fine, but it's also eye opening for me. I don’t advertise my issues (I mean maybe now since I have a blog) so it's not easy to see and I push through shit like a champ so I'm not knocking anyone just saying ya girl has to set some boundaries. This isn’t going to be easy but it’s for sure necessary and I really need to start listening to people who love and care about me. So, wish me and my heart some luck!
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